WHY?!!

So as part of my job, I answer the main phone line to the museum. Anyone with any kind of question comes to me. I get frantic phone calls from women screaming at each other in a car while speeding down 395 trying to hear each other over the voice of the GPS because they are lost and need to know which exit to take. I get the everyday, "Which metro stop do I use?" or "How late are you open?"

Then there's the crazy people. I mean CRAZY. Interested? Read the following dialogue of the call I just extricated myself from.

Ring. Ring.
I answer using the name of the museum as a salutation

Caller: Excuse me?
Maggie: (I repeat myself)
Caller: Is this Emily?
Maggie: No
Caller: I need to talk to the registrar named Emily
M: No one is here by that name
Caller: Well that's who they told me to talk to. I don't think they would lie to me about that. What's your name?
M: Maggie
Caller: Excuse me?
M: My name is Maggie
Caller: Well Maggie, can I talk to the curator?
M: There are several curators here. What is the nature of your question? It will help me to know who you should talk to.
Caller: You don't have a curator?!
M: We have several.
Caller: oh ok cuz I was like, "What?!" Is it possible for me to talk to one?
M: It's best if you talk to me first and I can help you from there.
Caller: Well Maggie, I painted a picture for a friend who accepted it into his collection. He bequeathed his entire collection to the Smithsonian. So I need to know if I have a painting there. (except it took much longer to tell me that whole situation)
M: It sounds like it would be best if you write a letter and mail it to us. I'll be sure the right person gets it. Do you want the address?
Caller: I have another question. Maggie, I want to paint a portrait of Barack, Michelle, and the Obama girls and the Portugese Waterdog. Who do I need to talk to about that?
M: Include that question in your letter.
Caller: Is it possible that I could be commissioned for his presidential portrait?
M: We already have a portrait of President Obama.
Caller: (very sad) Oh. Who's the artist? Was it commissioned since he's been president?
M: Shepard Fairy is the artist. It was done before Obama was president, but gifted to our museum in conjunction with the Inauguration.
Caller: How do you spell that? S-h-e-p-p-e-r-d F-e-r-r-y?
M: S-h-e-p-a-r-d- F-a-i-r-y
Caller: OH Fairy. I think I've heard of him. I have one last question, Maggie. Can you add me to your mailing list?
M: You can go to our website and sign up for it.
Caller: I don't have a computer. Will you at least take down my information and add me to your list.
M: ok
Caller: promise?
M: yes. I'm ready
Caller: My name is Sundance Etienne Latour Genore Hughes Shepperd. (spells out every single letter) That's my full name. Here's my address: ....... and phone number...... I'm an artist. I'm an artist of fine arts, visual arts, performance arts, exotic arts. I'm also a spiritual healer. Did you get all that?
M: ok I got it. Thank you.
SELGHS: Oh god bless you. God bless your posterity and your family. I leave you with my blessing of good vibrations and happiness and well-being and all things wonderful.
M: (I'm covering my mouth trying so hard not to burst out laughing) Thank you. Goodbye.


I'm not even joking but the actual conversation was so much worse. I gave you the digest version of it. I have NO IDEA if I was talking to a man or a woman. I was so embarrassed for anyone to overhear my end of the conversation!