At exactly 4:30 this morning (or so...I never looked at a clock) I felt a really sharp jolting pain coming from deep inside my left femur (that's what it felt like to me). I was awake. And the sharp pain kept coming every few minutes and each time it would jolt my whole leg. It took me a second to realize that it was the weird pain that woke me up and it wasn't going away. When I'm half asleep I get really dramatic. I was certain it was a blood clot that would any second dislodge and make my heart stop. I started exercising my leg and praying that I wouldn't die. Silly as it sounds, my mind turned to my patriarchal blessing and I remembered certain phrases that helped me know I was not going to die this morning in my bed. I got up and walked around and looked at the clock and it was 4:45 am. I saw a light on in the living room and wandered over there to turn it off and saw my roommate reading on the couch. She'd been reading all night and she was so ashamed of herself (but she's on spring break so no judging on my part). We both laughed and it made me feel better. I got back in bed and the little jolts continued but eventually they must have stopped because I fell back asleep and woke up later feeling wonderful. I went running and did pilates, so no big deal.
On a related note, a few mornings ago I woke up absolutely certain I had cancer. I had such a sense of dread in me, knowing that this was it. The big one.
Sorry if this is a downer post, but I just thing it's funny how my mind goes crazy in the morning and then goes into spiritual survivor mode to help me know I'm going to be ok.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
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3 comments:
oh goodness. You are carazy.
I've so been there. Have I ever told you about the time I had a headache and thought I was going to die of a brain aneurysm? Turns out the headache was originally caused by stress, so my freaking out only made it worse, which only scared me more . . .
I think this means you're probably supposed to eat some chocolate. :)
Maggie, you have NO IDEA how many times I've thought of my patriarchal blessing when I've been nervous or scared!!! Also, on Sept. 11th, 2001, my parents were supposed to be on an American Airlines flight to San Francisco, and I couldn't get ahold of them, and for HOURS several lines from their blessings ran through my head as my only comfort that they'd be okay until I contacted them and was certain they were fine!
Also, I'm totally with you on the "OMG, I'm DYING" train of thought! Every so often, my arm hurts and then goes completely numb, and in less guarded moments, I think, "I have a blood clot and am going to die of a stroke right now!!!" Oh, the drama. :)
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